Children Living and Learning
Pete read this poem by Dorothy Law Nolte on the air during the final minutes of the show. He also admonished parents who do not have a copy of it hanging on a wall in their house, which might’ve been a wee bit harsh. Anyway, on one hand, I agree with him that the poem is really… well… sweet. On the other hand, it seems kind of wrong in a few places, even to my bleeding heart.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
So what do you think of this? Is it a good thing to teach kids that “the world is a nice place in which to live?” I mean, is that even true? Maybe we should be teaching them it’s their responsibility to make it such a place. I mean, the hostility line is definitely true, but do we really never want to criticize kids? Anyway, I suspect I agree with this poem a whole lot more than many PBM listeners. In fact, I’m a little surprised that Pete likes it so much, since he has talked several times on the air about how constant praise and approval by parents renders children weak. Or something like that. I figured this one would stir up some good debate, so let’s hear your reviews.
this to me Brian is not just about constant praise and approval, it’s simply a formula for parents to supply a well rounded upbringing to give a child an attitude and perspective that will in turn allow him/her the best chance at success in many aspects of life. i like it.
we all know that the world is not always a nice place to live but strong foundations make great houses. When they learn the truth they’ll have a better shot at life. To me these guidelines will eventually teach kids to take the initiative to make it better.
it’s like hope. you should be taught that it’s relevant, so that when you realize that it may not be, you can still cling to it.
“PEOPLE SAY THAT WHEN WE GROW UP WE KICK AT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN TOLD. WE REBEL AGAINST THE WORLD OUR PARENTS HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO BRING US INTO. THAT PART OF GROWING UP IS KICKING AT THE TIDE THAT BINDS, WHEN REALLY WE KICK WHEN WE FIND OUT THAT OUR PARENTS DON’T KNOW MUCH MORE ABOUT THE WORLD THAN WE DO, AND THAT THEY DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. WE REBEL WHEN WE FIND OUT THAT THEY’VE BEEN LYING TO US ALL ALONG.”
If they live with Pete, they learn narcissism.
Just kidding.
I think the intent of the poem is to inspire today’s parents to be responsible, logical, caring, loving, and use a commensurate amount of discipline when needed. While the actual semantics may be far reaching (”the world is a nice place in which to live”), I get the meaning, which is one should be a well rounded parent that is a positive role model and teacher/leader.
Huh. Well, then, you guys are all less cavemanish than I had hoped. I’ll have to poke for controversy another way
B.C. Weasel Reply:
October 12th, 2008 at 1:20 am
nyah nyah!!
The poem is, as you originally said, Brian, “sweet,” & I’d add that it was well-intentioned. In an ideal world, it would not seem quite as simplistic as I find it in the world we inhabit today. It was first published in 1954 & those were very different times–believe me, I grew up in them & know from personal experience. The idealized worldview of that era was portrayed in sitcoms like “The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet” & “Father Knows Best,” neither of which made much sense to me back then & certainly don’t now, although some people seem to find them charming through what I consider to be an exaggerated, if not totally false, nostalgia.
As ideals to be aspired to, the sentiments in the poem possess a kind of warm & fuzzy logic, but they seem to be based on the assumption that parents/caregivers are the sole influences upon children’s lives, & that just ain’t so. In fact, lots of kids today don’t have parents or even homes & somebody to care for them. But even if they do, when children go to school, their parents begin to fade out as their primary role models, & by the time kids are in high school, peers are almost always far more influential. And currently, “peers” doesn’t just mean their classmates & friends in school & the ole hometown/neighborhood–we’ve gone global through the magic of technology & with the help of MySpace, Facebook, & the rest of what the Web can supply.
Oh, & let’s not forget those who don’t have access to the Web & its offerings–abject poverty does exist in many parts of the USA, after all, & some kids can’t make it to the public library, provided there’s even one nearby–the harsh realities of life when you’re fighting just to stay alive make the “good” parts of the poem utterly irrelevant, although they certainly support the “bad.” However, parents can’t always make up for the criminal shortcomings of an entire society that seems ever more oriented toward the diminishing numbers of the “haves” & ever more neglectful of the rapidly growing legions of the “have nots.”
Mama Mary emailed me that the soundtracks from the YouTube vids I put her onto were used on today’s show, & I wonder what those Strongsville Ohio McCain-Palin supporters lived with as children that made them grow up into the people they are today. Even more important, I wonder what their children, some of whom were with Mommy & Daddy when they were being interviewed, will grow up to become & then teach their children to be like. I’m willing to bet that a lot of those folks were raised by their parents with love & support & encouragement & praise & all those other good things in Dr. Nolte’s poem.
But the world outside their homes wasn’t always so filled with those good things, hence their development into the narrowminded, intolerant, bitter, bigoted types they showed themselves to be in the videos.
I think the poem’s idealization of parenthood is lovely, but the world isn’t always ideal–big surprise! Which means parents need to provide as many of those good things as they can for their children but also need to prepare them as well as they can for the realities of that less-than-ideal world outside their homes.
As a parting thought, I’d be willing to bet that there are plenty of the same types of people we encountered in the McCain-Palin crowd to be found among Obama-Biden supporters–this less-than-ideal world doesn’t seem to play favorites when it comes to political party affiliations.
This poem hung on a wall of our home while you were growing up, Brian. It was framed and given me as a gift when you were born. I had read it many times before during my early teaching experiences, so I rarely read it as I passed it by. However, I always glanced at it as a reminder not of what I should do but what I shouldn’t have done or said. Fortunately, Brian and Pete survived my mistakes.
I think we are meant to read between the lines. Dr. Nolte might have meant that children should not live with CONSTANT criticism. As Brian says, it’s okay to criticize sometimes.
I also think very young children do need to think the world is a nice place to live. I remember feeling tremendous fear over the cold war with Russia when I was too young to realize that my house located 8 1/2 miles from the nearest small town was not a target of every airplane passing over.
Kids will learn about the world being not so nice as soon as they start going to school if not sooner. Let’s try to give them a few years of looking at life through rose-colored glasses.
BTW, John from Cleveland, while Pete may have tendencies toward narcissism, look who’s talking. At least Pete admits his faults often.
Here’s another one for you Pete:
Be careful where you go, young man
Be careful what you do.
Two little eyes are watching you now
Two little feet will be following you.
I also agree with Pete’s mom that the poem is a great reminder to parents on the lessons we teach our children with our treatment of each other, especially the parts about sharing, fairness, and honesty. If more people remembered this and followed the “advice” of the poem, there would be less screwed up kids in the world.
You know how some parents say that they’ve worked hard to make sure that their kids have a “better” childhood than they had? My mom recently said to me “It’s funny, I never tried to give you kids a better life than I had, because I feel like I had a real good life as a kid.”
They never had a lot of money, but no one around her did, so it was nothing she ever thought about. She had complete freedom to go outside, explore, play and just be a kid. She ate real food (back then parents didn’t need a TV commercial or book to tell them that fresh fruit and vegetables are healthy for you). Childhood obesity wasn’t in even in their consciousness; you ate what was on the table and didn’t need junk food. Her parents never did research on the internet about which toys would make their kids smarter; the kids learned by just living life, going to school and by reading books. Her parents didn’t have to make her read, she did it because it was fun, and that’s what she saw her parents doing. I could go on, but I’m staring to sound like an old curmudgeon.
Are kids really doing “better” now? Parents are completely stressed out from trying to do what society tells them they must do in order to raise a perfect human being living in a perfect environment……Is this what we want our kids to learn from us? How’s that working for everyone so far?
I believe that this line of thinking/being has led us to many of the difficulties we now face. What a shock that people are now in trouble for living beyond their means. What a shock that the people we’ve put in office are all show and no substance (God forbid the presidential election be boring). What a shock that celebrity is so important to this society. Let’s substitute the word “Children” in the poem with “People”. I wonder if maybe the current crisis isn’t a bit of a gift; the universe does have a way of showing us where our weaknesses are…
well said heather
The only one I have a problem with is: “If children live with fairness, they learn justice.”
They may learn it but it’s not reality.
It’s a nice thought but the great big world isn’t always fair and in many places there is no justice.
I don’t think there will ever be total fairness and justice throughout the world.
Sorry to be such a negative Nellie but my main fault is being realistic.